3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize