very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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