God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
