I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize