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• (601): View more from Mississippi

  Are you drinking alone?

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  no, i'm watching house

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  That doesn't count.

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  wtf, then i'm always alone

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.

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• (334): View more from Alabama

  My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?

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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?

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• (518): View more from New York

  No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.

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• (269): View more from Michigan

  Security deposit gone.

  (269): View more from Michigan

  burned down garage with fireworks.

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head

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• (516): View more from New York

  My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.

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• (914): View more from New York

  I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?

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• (917): View more from New York City

  She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.

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• (952): View more from Minnesota

  I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".

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