just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize