his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
