Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
