I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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