This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
