Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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