my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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