He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
