do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
