I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
