dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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