my mouth tastes like poor choices
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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