Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
