I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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