everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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