quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
