I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
