i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
