so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
