TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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