sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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