Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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