Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
