who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
