So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Randomize
