he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
