Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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