and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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