I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
