oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He shit in the fireplace
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
