the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize