sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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