You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
