You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
