you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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