Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
