Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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