Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
