Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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