I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
