first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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