My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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