isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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