I am in a vortex of obligation.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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