Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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