How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
i think i just lost a toe
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
