dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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