if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize