that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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