This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
