2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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