she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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