there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
