1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
