Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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