You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
