she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
