How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
