not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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