you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
