the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
