You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize