I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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