He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
