You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
The ass gains better be worth it
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
