and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
