you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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