put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i may or may not be watching the land before time
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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